Tonight I put in my Roxette CD while I was driving the kids to play practice. I am tired from not sleeping last night. (Let's just say that Kelsey's alarm went off at 5a and I was still awake.) I love listening to that CD when I am tired and have to drive. As the music blasted out the speakers, I was transported back to the winter of 1990. Ashley gave me that tape when we were engaged. I used to play that late at night after dropping Ashley off. I still remember driving through the deserted winter streets. I can see the soft glow from the street lights along University Avenue. Then the complete darkness of the road while heading towards the canyon. I thought tonight of those feelings I used to have while listening to the music. I was finishing the semester and we were getting married 2 days after finals were over. I remember the excitement of getting married and wondering what life was going to be like with Ashley. I was looking forward to spending the nights with Ashley and not having to drop him off at his apartment. I wondered how we were going to pay all the bills and still both go to school. I wondered what sex was going to be like and how weird it was to be sharing my bed with someone else.
Now 16 years and 6 kids later, I still have a thrill in my heart when I see Ashley. I love him more than I could have imagined all those years ago. He is better looking now then he was then. He just gets better looking every year. Now my bed feels so empty when he isn't here and is traveling somewhere else. I know that he is lonelier in his hotel bed by himself than I am in my bed at home. I at least can hear the breathing of the children while they sleep. I hope that this year is the last year that he will have to travel so much without me. I miss him when he is gone.
